Custody

Child custody and visitation are typically the most contentious issues in divorce proceedings. At Collaborative Family Law Affiliates, we prefer not to think of it as "custody," but rather shared access and co-parenting. Only when one parent is seriously limited in their parenting skills will the law of custody disputes need to be invoked. Everyone wants what is best for their children, but people have drastically different ideas of what is "best" for their children. If you and your spouse decide to divorce and you have children, our collaborative attorneys will closely work with you, to craft agreements for shared legal custody or visitation schedules which follow common wisdom. Contact us to learn how to create custody and visitation arrangements without involvement in the traditional divorce process.

Child custody agreements will contain terms to establish legal and physical child custody, joint or individual physical child custody, or visitation schedules. Our collaborative lawyers recognize that every family is different and every family has unique circumstances that will impact custody and visitation agreements. For instance, your child's extra curricular activities, the distance between your homes, and where your child attends school are all factors to consider when crafting a child custody agreement. Only good faith negotiation can achieve an agreement that is truly in everyone's best interests.

In our experience, custody litigation is the most expensive and burdensome litigation in family court, not to mention damaging to children psychologically and emotionally draining for the parent. Further, it is never final. Custody issues are always open for further modification before the court. Therefore, we do everything possible to keep custody matters out of court. You may be referred to child specialists and custody mediators. We are sensitive to educational and psychological needs of children and we treat custody and visitation as an ongoing issue which should be driven by the needs of the children.

Elizabeth (Lisa) Bennett, a Ph. D. psychologist in Fairfax, Virginia, hands out the following guidelines for divorcing parents. Think carefully before violating these principles.

Principals of Parenting Following Divorce

1. Increase nurturing behaviors (hugs, tucking in at night, attentive listening, play).
2. Maintain the same behavioral standards and limit setting procedures.
3. Maintain similar behavior consequences across households.
4. Allow liberal and tension-free contact between your child and your ex-spouse (except in certain circumstances).
5. Generally, do not intertwine battles over property, finances, and legal proceedings with custody issues. Maintain you focus on the best interests of the child.
6. Do not speak poorly of your ex-spouse in front of your child, or argue openly in front of your child.
7. Meet your visitation schedule without exceptions. Help your child build memories about seamless transactions between households.
8. Cooperate with your ex-spouse about school visits, activities, and holidays. Speak respectfully to your ex-spouse (and use "I statement").
9. Introduce your child to new romantic partners only if you are sure the partner will have significant and long-term role in the household. Do not model "disposable" dating relationships. If partners stay the night, this should be conducted after the child has shown he or she is comfortable with the person and is fully aware of the commitment involved in the relationship.

Contact  Collaborative Family Law Affiliates to discuss your alternatives to a traditional child custody arrangement. You can reach us at info@collaborativefamilylaw.com or call the telephone number shown below.

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